


House of a Thousand Horrors

by Zilchtastic



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-04
Updated: 2010-02-04
Packaged: 2017-10-07 01:05:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/59701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zilchtastic/pseuds/Zilchtastic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The house is old, no doubt about that. The porch is sagging in the middle, half-collapsed, and the roof is missing tiles. The windows stare at them, dark and accusing and full of broken glass and wispy, shredded lace curtains.</p><p>"I'm sure this isn't a good idea," Hakkai says. His hands are clutching the Jeep's steering wheel hard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	House of a Thousand Horrors

The house is old, no doubt about that. The porch is sagging in the middle, half-collapsed, and the roof is missing tiles. The windows stare at them, dark and accusing and full of broken glass and wispy, shredded lace curtains.

"I'm sure this isn't a good idea," Hakkai says. His hands are clutching the Jeep's steering wheel hard.

Sanzo snorts. "Too late. You already agreed."

"Why's it just _us?_" Gojyo demands, angrily. "Is Master Sanzo scared of a little ol' haunted house?"

"Master Sanzo," the man himself says, thinly, "wasn't the one making bets with the idiots in town."

"With all due respect, Sanzo, I wasn't making any bets--" Hakkai starts. Gojyo throws him a glare.

"You were sitting next to him," Sanzo says, as if that's enough to implicate Hakkai, too. "You didn't try to stop him, either."

"_Really_, Sanzo--"

"Hold on, man. We don't go anywhere with "scary," "spooky," "haunted," or "forbidden" in the title," Gojyo says. "And this place has all of that written all over it." And it does, too-- there are even dead trees in the yard, gnarled and twisted like the arms on a mummy. Something dangles from one of them. It's a rope, probably from an old tire swing or something, but from here it looks like a noose.

"Have fun in Creepyland," Goku says, shoving at Gojyo with one shoulder. He looks smug. "We'll come back an' get you in the morning."

Gojyo punches him in the arm. "Don't look so satisfied," he snarls, climbing over the side of the Jeep. "It's gonna rain any second, and guess who gets to walk all the way back to the inn?"

"What--" Sanzo starts, but then Jeep is transforming and Sanzo has to flail, undignified, as he hits the ground ass-first. "You little traitor!" he snarls.

Jeep _kyuus_ defiantly and flaps over to perch on Hakkai's shoulder. Hakkai is laughing behind his hand.

Sanzo snarls again and launches to his feet. His hands pat at his robes stiffly. "Come on, Goku. Let's leave the morons to their fate."

Goku sticks his tongue out at them as he and Sanzo leave, but his eyes are a little worried nonetheless.

 

***

 

"Gojyo," Hakkai says, as they stand shoulder-to-shoulder looking up at the house, "did you really have to make a bet involving a haunted house?"

"Gimme a break," says Gojyo. "You really believe that crap?" Still, it seems way colder here than it should, and there's no reason Gojyo can see for all the trees and grass to be dead. Thunder rumbles overhead, and the coming rain has turned the sky a bloated purple-grey color. He feels a little bit like he's being watched-- like maybe the house is staring right back at them. He shivers.

Hakkai lets out an unhappy sigh. "Let's go in. The storm is going to break any moment."

 

***

 

The inside isn't a whole lot better than the outside, but at least they aren't getting rained on.

"The floors still appear to be sound," Hakkai says, stepping cautiously across the dusty floorboards. They creak and groan under his feet like they're in pain, but they continue to hold him up. "Look around for a candle or a lantern," Hakkai continues. "It would be better if we could see."

"Can't you just keep doin' your qi-thing?" Gojyo asks, motioning at the little ball of pale green light hovering just above Hakkai's palm.

"Yes," says Hakkai, "if you'd like me to pass out in a few hours."

"Oh." Gojyo starts looking for a candle.

They find nothing at first. The main hallway is wide and empty, just old floorboards and a few broken picture-frames sans pictures. The corners are web-clogged and dirty, and Hakkai makes a nose-wrinkling face. "Maybe we should look for a broom as well."

"Hakkai! We're not here to _clean_ the damn place."

Jeep murmurs on his shoulder, a little forlorn-sounding. "It's alright," Hakkai soothes, patting the little dragon with his free hand. "It's only a house, after all."

They ignore the wide staircase at the end of the hall and turn left instead, heading into what looks like a parlor. There's a fireplace here, with wood still stacked next to it, ready to be used. Hakkai's eyes light up.

"Let's hope the chimney ain't blocked," Gojyo says, but he starts laying a fire anyway.

The chimney, as it turns out, is clear enough. It takes a while for the dusty logs to light, but eventually they get it going. Hakkai makes a pleased sound and settles near the fire, holding his hands out to the warmth. He looks around as the flickering light grows bright.

"Well," he says, in a making-the-best-of-it sort of way, "this isn't so bad. It's filthy, but at least we won't freeze."

Gojyo dusts his hands off on his pants and comes over to sit by Hakkai. "See? It won't be so bad."

Wind howls past the house, rattling shutters and whistling through cracks so that it sounds like the whole place is crying or moaning. In spite of the fire, it's still cold.

"I can't say I really like the atmosphere," Hakkai murmurs after a minute.

The room itself would be creepy even in bright daylight. The wallpaper is dark but faded, some sort of repetitive floral design done in either red or brown, it's impossible to tell which. It's peeling at the corners, hanging down in places like a torn dress, showing the rotted, naked wood behind.

There are empty picture frames here, too, the glass jagged and broken, reflecting the fire. There's furniture too, a big wide couch covered by a stained and moth-eaten sheet, but neither of them is brave enough to actually _sit_ on it. "Probably full of spiders," Hakkai says, "or mice."

"Or centipedes," Gojyo says, and then wishes he hadn't when Hakkai swallows hard. "Um..."

Hakkai shifts a little closer to the fire, and to Gojyo. Gojyo pretends not to notice.

A sudden banging sound makes them both start violently, hard enough that they actually knock heads. Jeep hisses fearfully.

"Ow! Fuck!" Gojyo clutches at his skull. "What the fuck was that?"

"Probably a shutter being torn loose," Hakkai says, and he's wincing too. "...Probably."

"Thanks," Gojyo says, sarcastically. "You're making me feel _so_ much better."

"Would you prefer it if I said it was a night-horror, tearing loose from the bonds of ancient slumber, now awake to stalk the halls with its terrible hunger?"

"_Hakkai!_"

"Well," Hakkai says, primly, "it might be."

Jeep _kyuus_ and wraps himself more firmly around Hakkai's neck, ducking his head to hide it under the collar of Hakkai's shirt.

"See? You're scaring Jeep," Gojyo says, accusingly.

"Not you?"

"'Course not. Like some dilapidated old house is gonna scare me? I live with _you_."

"Oh. Well, that's a good point." Hakkai strokes the fur along Jeep's long serpent-neck, soothingly, and then sighs. "It's going to be a long night, isn't it?"

Gojyo lights a cigarette. "Friggin' Sanzo. Hope he got rained on. It'd serve him right. Him and the monkey both."

"To be fair," Hakkai says, "you didn't include Sanzo in your bet."

"I didn't think I'd lose! I had four-of-a-kind," Gojyo protests. "I figured one last bet wouldn't hurt, if it'd make the guy feel better." He eyes Hakkai. "You didn't have to come, you know. Technically I didn't include you, either."

Hakkai shrugs. "Separating a pair of shoes doesn't do anything to improve either one, does it?"

Gojyo's face creeps red in shades. "Since when are we a matched set?"

"Well, we are an odd pair, I suppose."

Gojyo looks like he's going to say more, but a creaking sound cuts him off. It's the floorboards, it sounds like, but it's coming from right above their heads.

Gojyo's eyes are a little wide. "Is-- Do you think there's someone else here? That sounded a lot like--" Footsteps, slow and measured and a little dragging. They look up at the ceiling. From the sound of things, there's someone-- or some_thing_\-- moving across the floor upstairs.

Hakkai wets his lips, nervously. "Perhaps we should go check," he says. "It could just be a vagrant, or a squatter, or someone from town up to mischief."

Or it could be a night-horror, but neither of them say it.

Gojyo grabs a candle in a brass holder from off of a worn-looking end table. He looks at Hakkai and bites his lip. "I ain't afraid of no ghost," he says, but his face is a little wan in the firelight and when the creaking overhead continues, Gojyo's hands shake. It takes him four tries with the lighter just to get the candle lit.

"Let's go," Hakkai says, and he takes point as they tiptoe up the stairs.

 

***

 

"I'm sure this is the room." Hakkai is frowning as they look around the persistently empty room. "This has to be. The parlor should be directly below us."

"Maybe whoever-it-was heard us coming," Gojyo says. He sounds torn between suspicion and relief.

They're in what looks like an old bedroom suite. There is a bed, in fact, heaped with blankets and lacy coverings that had probably once been lavish. Now they're just moldy and grey with age, brittle-looking and torn. There's a dark stain on one of the pillows, dry and crusted like old blood.

The wallpaper is cheery-bright-- or _used_ to be, at least, sunflower yellow with a lacy white pattern of vertical stripes. There's a handprint right by the door, sooty and black and smeared, far too low on the wall, as if whoever made it was crawling on their knees.

"This place gives me the creeps," Gojyo says, unhelpfully.

Jeep makes a muffled sound and pokes his head out of Hakkai's shirt. He takes one look around and then plunges his head right back in. "Scaredy-cat," Hakkai accuses, gently.

"We should check the rest of the rooms," Gojyo says, "just to be sure." He looks less than excited by the prospect.

Hakkai nods and motions at the door. "Lead the way, Gojyo."

Gojyo pulls a face. "Sometimes I hate you," he mutters as he stalks out the door.

***

The rest of the rooms are-- Well, there's nobody _in_ them, but they keep getting weirder as they go. Weirder and creepier, advancing by degrees.

"What the hell is _that?_" Gojyo asks, pointing at a configuration of hooks and rings drilled right into the wall of the third room. This room is bare, just naked wood for the floor and ceiling. One of the windows is broken, and rain has gotten in to pool on the floor.

"Ah," says Hakkai, adjusting his monocle in a teacherly sort of way. "It's for chaining someone to, I'd imagine. The manacles would attach like so." He makes a vague gesture at the wall that is apparently supposed to resemble chaining somebody up.

Gojyo stares at him. "Why would anyone--"

"You really don't know?"

Gojyo's mouth closes with a _snap_. "Okay," he says, after a minute. "Okay, nevermind. I can imagine." He scratches his cheek, which has gone faintly pink. "Let's just move on, okay?"

"Whatever you like, Gojyo."

 

***

 

"Did you want to try the attic?" Hakkai asks, after they've inspected all the rooms. He's looking up at the attic stairs-- they're narrow and tilted to one side, and the cobwebs here are as thick as drapery.

"No way," says Gojyo. "I am not going up there, no way, no how."

"Would you do it for a cigarette?"

"I wouldn't do it for a _hundred_ cigarettes."

Hakkai smiles, but only on one side. "Let's go back to the parlor. We really shouldn't leave the fire unattended for so long."

They tromp back down the stairs. Jeep has his head out now and is making quiet crooning noises, like an old man whistling in the dark. Hakkai has taken the lead again, and Gojyo follows after.

There's an icy draft against the back of his neck, and Gojyo shivers, longing for the fire. Then something pulls sharply on his hair.

"Fuck!" He drops the candle-- it clatters down the stairs and then goes out.

"Gojyo!" Hakkai's voice is sharp. "What is--"

"Something," Gojyo chokes out. "Something--" Like a hand on his shoulder, cold, damp fingers on his neck. Claws digging in. It's too dark to see, and he can't make himself turn around. "_Hakkai_\--"

Light blooms, pale green fire. Hakkai's face is scared, but the look melts into confusion after a bare second. "Gojyo? There's nothing there."

Gojyo whips around-- it's true. The stairs are empty behind him. The feeling is gone, although the goosebumps haven't subsided.

Hakkai is looking at him like he's nuts. Gojyo clatters down the stairs past him, snarling. "I know I felt something! I didn't just imagine it, okay!"

"We're both a little keyed up--" Hakkai starts.

"I am not 'keyed up'. Or, okay, maybe I am, but since when does 'keyed up' translate into 'feeling shit grab you'?"

Hakkai follows him back into the parlor. The fire is still crackling merrily in the fireplace, throwing shadows around the room. Gojyo sits in front of it, hugging his knees, his mouth pressed in a hard tight line.

"Sorry about the candle," he says, sullenly.

"It's fine." Hakkai sits next to him again, close enough that their shoulders bump. "I didn't mean to sound like I thought you were lying, Gojyo."

"Only crazy, right?"

Hakkai lifts his eyebrows, expression arch. "I think we both know which of us qualifies for that description more."

Gojyo looks at him, finally, and then snorts. "Nah," he says, almost-grinning. "You're not the type to be scared of the things in the dark."

Hakkai smiles, but it's twisted to one side, and his eyes look distant like he's seeing something else. "I am one of the things in the dark," he intones, softly.

Gojyo swallows hard. "Haven't you gone over your Creepy Motherfucker quota for the day?"

"Have I? I'm afraid I haven't been keeping track."

"You totally have. I'm gonna have to cut you off for the rest of the night."

Hakkai smiles his real smile, finally. "I see."

They lean against each other and stare into the fire. The wind is still screeching like a jilted lover outside, and the occasional bangs and creaks have Gojyo tensing up each time, body wired to run like hell even though he keeps telling himself there's nothing to run from. It doesn't help that Jeep is fidgeting too, squirming and fluttering every time a particularly sharp noise reaches them. The little dragon is looking all around, beady eyes rolling like he expects something to just burst through one of the walls.

"Ouch," Hakkai says, mildly, as Jeep startles violently when one of the logs in the fireplace pops. "Really now, you're being silly, Jeep-- Ow!" He tries to drag him off his shoulder, but Jeep digs his claws in and refuses to be dislodged, keening fretfully.

"You're bleeding," Gojyo says, and Hakkai tries to peer around the dragon to see. Little pinprick spots of red have indeed blossomed on his shirt, spreading out like flower petals. Jeep's claws are sharp.

Hakkai sighs. "And me without my first-aid kit. Don't worry, they're only scratches," he adds, when Gojyo frowns at him. "I'll probably live."

Gojyo opens his mouth to retort, but then--

_WHUMP WHUMP WHUMP!_

"Fuck!" says Gojyo, sharp and high. He's on his feet, with the shakujou in his hands. "What the hell was _that?_"

Hakkai is on his feet as well. "It came from the basement this time."

Gojyo looks at him, face tight and afraid. "Shit, you're kidding me. The basement?"

"We'll have to go down."

"Are you nuts? Don't you ever watch horror movies? You _don't go down in the basement_. That's the first fucking rule!"

The pounding comes again, three enormous raps that actually shake the floor. Gojyo jerks back, eyes wide. Jeep hisses and digs in with his claws.

"I am _not_ going down there," Gojyo says.

"You'd rather wait for it to come up here?"

"No!" Gojyo looks torn. "It... Maybe it's just, like, a stray dog that got in, right? I mean, it could be."

"Or angry youkai," Hakkai says, staring at the floor. "Perhaps we were followed."

The prospect of youkai assassins seems to cheer Gojyo up immensely, which would be funny in any other situation. "Hadn't thought of that. Guess we'd better get down there and take a look."

The door to the basement is narrow and grey with age. It's not even closed all the way-- it swings open with the lightest push. The hinges creak softly, and then they're staring down into darkness.

Hakkai does his qi-thing again. The light it casts illuminates only about the first five steps. Cool air wafts up, smelling of mold and damp earth.

"You first," Gojyo says, and when Hakkai looks at him he protests, "You're the one with the light, man!"

Hakkai takes the first step down. The wooden stair groans. Jeep trembles on his shoulder and hides his head again.

 

***

 

The stairs go down for a surprisingly long way. Gojyo keeps one hand against the rough stone wall. It's cold and clammy under his hand, but the railing has apparently rotted away and the last thing he wants is to tumble and break his neck.

Hakkai is moving slowly, cautiously, the ball of light held out and down to watch his steps. A few of the stairs are broken, the wood splintered and ragged, and one is missing entirely. They have to step over it. Gojyo looks into the hole, but it's pitch black in there, nothing to see. He's not sure if he's glad or not.

They come to the last step abruptly. Gojyo actually runs into Hakkai's back, and he hears him take in a startled breath.

"What is it?"

Hakkai doesn't say anything, just looks ahead, and then Gojyo sees it, too.

There's a low archway made of stone just a foot or so ahead. There are shelves cut right into the limestone, long and even, and on each shelf sits a row of skulls, bleached and grinning.

Gojyo clutches at Hakkai's arm. "Holy shit."

"A mausoleum," Hakkai says, sounding a lot calmer than Gojyo feels. "The family that owned the land probably interred their dead relatives here."

"That is majorly fucking creepy," Gojyo says. His voice shakes, just a little. "Who'd want to live with a bunch of dead people in the basement?"

"It's more common in the west," Hakkai murmurs, sounding like he's reciting a lecture. "I've heard that there are places where entire networks of caves have become cities of the dead." He pauses. "Gojyo, you're hurting me."

Gojyo jerks his hand away. "Sorry, sorry."

"Let's keep going," Hakkai says. He walks right under the arch, and the shifting light makes it look like the skulls are watching him pass, leering. Gojyo has to follow, or be left in the dark with the skulls.

"I have a really bad feeling about this," he mutters, mostly to himself. The skulls grin at him like they've heard.

 

***

 

"I don't mind telling you that this is one hundred percent fucked-up." Gojyo's voice echoes off the low stone ceiling as they walk.

Hakkai smiles to himself. "Your opinion is duly noted, Gojyo."

"No, I'm serious." Gojyo makes a disgusted noise behind him. "We are surrounded by _dead people_, Hakkai."

The walls are recessed with deep shelves, each one wide and broad enough to house a coffin-- no, a _sarcophagus_. It looks like a century or so of dead relatives has been laid to rest here in the musty, dripping dark.

"Gojyo," Hakkai says, in a reasonable tone, "how is that any different from a normal day?"

"It's different! Just _look_ at these things." From the corner of his eye-- the good one-- Hakkai sees Gojyo make a sweeping gesture that is apparently meant to encompass the deceased.

Admittedly, it's not a pretty sight. Years of damp and rot have done nothing to preserve the bodies or their funeral finery. There's movement in a few of the coffins-- not from the corpses, from the _rats_. Everything smells of ancient decay, sick and moldy and oversweet, thick on the back of his tongue.

Jeep is still hiding his head, shivering for all the world like he's never seen a dead body before. Hakkai can feel the tiny heartbeat fluttering against his shoulder.

"I almost think it's an improvement," Hakkai murmurs. "At least most of these people are still in one piece, and there isn't that awful stink you get when there's been too much disemboweling in too small a space."

Gojyo makes a gagging sound. "Hakkai! Seriously, man."

"I'm only making conversation."

"Well, try an' make a better one." Gojyo steps closer, almost treading on his heels. "This place gives me the major creeps."

"I haven't heard any noises for a while," Hakkai says, brightly. "Maybe it was only banging pipes."

This seems to cheer Gojyo up. "Yeah? That mean we can get the fuck outta here?"

"Soon. There's a door up ahead."

The door is made of old heavy wood, and barred with rusted iron. They stare at it for a long time.

"Why's it barred on the _outside?_" Gojyo asks. His voice has gone up in pitch like it does when he's nervous.

"I'm sure I don't know. Can you lift it?"

"Why would I _want_ to?"

Hakkai's mouth sets in a hard line, and Gojyo sighs.

"Okay, fine, whatever you say, Hakkai." He puts his hands on the bar. "But you better promise me that you're scarier than whatever the heck's behind this door." The metal squeals as Gojyo lifts the bar, inch by rusty inch.

Hakkai wrenches at the door once the lock is off, tugging hard enough that he can feel the jarring in his shoulders. It creaks open sullenly, bit by bit, as if the door itself is a little too large for the frame. _Swollen_, Hakkai thinks, _by the damp_. Icy-cold air creeps into his shirtsleeves from the room beyond.

Finally there's enough space to slide inside. "I'll go first," Hakkai says, "just in case--"

The words stick in his throat as he steps inside.

"What?" Gojyo is trying to peer around the door. "What is it?"

Hakkai steps back, fast, running into Gojyo as he tries to enter. "Don't," Hakkai says, voice breathy and high. "Gojyo, don't look--"

Too late. Gojyo is staring into the room, eyes wide and face drained of all color. "Oh," he says, in a tone that clearly says he's about to be sick.

"Go back," Hakkai urges. He's backing out of the room, expression tight, eyes too blank. Jeep is making crying noises under his shirt.

Gojyo listens finally, jerking back like he's been burned. He skids a few steps away and then is promptly sick in a dust-filled corner.

Hakkai stands next to him, helps hold back his hair. It's the only thing he can think to do.

After a while Gojyo wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and straightens. He looks at Hakkai-- his eyes are dull and horrified.

"Hakkai," he whispers, voice harsh, "those were _people_ on the walls."

"I know," Hakkai says, quietly.

"They were on _hooks_. They were--"

"I know."

"--hanging from the ceiling--"

"I _know._ Gojyo. Gojyo!" Hakkai slaps him, hard, across the face.

Some of the blank look leaves Gojyo's eyes, but rage sweeps in to replace it. He grabs the front of Hakkai's shirt. "Dammit, Hakkai, aren't you _upset_? What the fuck, what the _fuck_, man, why aren't you--"

"I am," Hakkai assures him quietly. "I feel sick, believe me. I just don't feel _surprised._"

Gojyo stares at him, miserably. "Is this where you tell me you've done worse?"

Hakkai flinches like he's been struck. He turns his eyes away.

"No," he whispers, after what seems like a very long time. "I've... It was terrible. But it wasn't worse." So many deaths. Is it any better that his were at least quick? He thinks of the room again, of the obvious joy in the cruelty inflicted there. Maybe it is.

Gojyo sort of sags against him then, face buried against the front of his shirt. Hakkai threads his fingers through that red, red hair.

"I'm sorry," Hakkai says, brushing the hair away from Gojyo's neck. "I wasn't scarier than the things in that room."

"I'm glad," Gojyo says, muffled.

 

***

 

"Okay, look." Gojyo lights up a cigarette with shaking hands and doesn't finish his sentence until he's taken two good long drags. "Bet's off. Screw this, we are getting outta here."

Hakkai nods. He's leaning back against the door-- they've pushed it shut and re-bolted it-- as if he can keep the horrors from leaking out that way. Not that this whole _place_ isn't a horror. And to think, they were supposed to stay the whole _night._

"Last time I ever walk into a place with "haunted" in the title," Gojyo goes on, talking like he's trying to ward off the fear with the sound of his own voice. "In fact, last time I ever make a bet that doesn't involve things like _tits_ and them being _in my face_ at the end somehow."

"_Really_, Gojyo," Hakkai says, mildly chiding, his tone settling at last into something normal and familiar.

"I'm serious! Tits or get the fuck out, man."

Hakkai frowns at him, but the effect is totally marred by the way his lips keep trying to curl upward. "I'm sure you've learned your lesson. Let's go, before we--"

Something creaks. Something that sounds an awful lot like door hinges, or maybe _coffin hinges_.

"What was that?" Gojyo has dropped his cigarette and taken up a defensive crouch, his weapon in his hands.

"I don't know. Perhaps we should--"

Shuffling, like the sound of bare feet dragging across a smooth floor, slow and measured.

"Hakkai..." Gojyo says, backing up.

A faint scraping noise. Closer, closer.

"Fuck it. That's _it!_" The shakujou is gone, and then Gojyo is turning and grabbing Hakkai like he'd grab a sack of rice.

"Gojyo, what-- Oh!" Hakkai's air all leaves him in a rush as he's literally swung up and over Gojyo's shoulder. Jeep makes a screeching sound, claws digging in as he clings to Hakkai for dear life. "Put me down!"

"Shut up!" Gojyo takes off at a painful, bone-jarring pace. "Just let me do the damn rescuing for once!"

Hakkai flails wildly, desperately trying not to overbalance-- he'll fall right on his head, he'll probably take Gojyo down with him, Jeep could be crushed like a fat white flying grape... Meanwhile, the shuffling noises are drawing closer. If it weren't rather important for the running part, Hakkai would extinguish his qi right now. He doesn't want to see what is making that noise. He doesn't want to see, because he _knows_.

"Faster," he hisses between his teeth. "Gojyo, please hurry."

"I'm hurrying! You're not fucking light, y'know!"

They pass through the mausoleum; shadows are reaching long terrible hands out toward them, thin and clawed like the branches of a dead tree. Everywhere there is the noise of stirring and shuffling and scratching and dragging. The smell of rot is thick, getting stronger, and under that there is the sharp-hot scent of blood. It's like something out of a nightmare, and Hakkai feels a laugh bubbling up in his throat. _Laugh or scream,_ he thinks. He doesn't quite manage to do either.

"Gojyo," he calls, choking on the sound, brain fizzing with white noise, "your hand is on my--"

"Don't--" _Huff huff_ "even say it!"

They hit the archway. Hakkai stares behind them, just manages to catch a glimpse of something twisted and dark reaching out with bony fingers. It misses his eye by a hard wish, catches on his monocle and tears it off. Something cold and slimy trails down his cheek, and Hakkai makes a noise, a high frantic whimpering sound that could as easily have come from Jeep.

Gojyo hits the stairs running, and then he's taking them two at a time. Hakkai jostles worse, gasps in pain as Gojyo's shoulder drives up into his gut, and clings on to the nearest bit of Gojyo he can find-- in this case, his belt loops. Jeep digs his claws in harder and cries, tail so tight around Hakkai's neck that it's almost choking him.

The door at the top of the steps bursts open as Gojyo hits it headlong, not even pausing to try the handle. Wood splinters fly past Hakkai's face. Gojyo is panting hard, wheezing at this point, and Hakkai makes a mental note to suggest that he cut down on the cigarettes a bit. After all, one never knows when it will be necessary to run screaming from the shambling evil dead.

That's where Hakkai hits his limit. He starts to laugh, loud and high and breathless, and doesn't stop even when Gojyo flings them both out the front door and into the icy rain. Gojyo doesn't slow down till they're most of the way across the dead front lawn, and then he drops Hakkai right there in the mud and the gravel and the wet.

"Stop--" Gojyo coughs, leans over with his hands braced on his knees, panting. "Stop laughing, Hakkai."

"I can't. Oh, god." Hakkai can't even sit up. Muddy water is soaking into the back of his shirt and his pants and his hair. It's cold and slimy, like the touch of the thing in the basement. It's too much. Hakkai shoves a hand against his mouth, trying to hold back the noises he's making, because they're venturing far too close to sobs, or screams.

"Hakkai. Dammit, Hakkai!"

"Ahaha! You didn't see, did you? You didn't see what was coming after--"

"I don't wanna know!" Gojyo falls onto his knees, as if his legs have finally decided they've seen enough activity for one day. "Fuck, _stop_."

Hakkai shakes his head, because he can't seem to stop. He's shaking all over from adrenaline now, adrenaline and _cold_. He should really get off the ground, he thinks. This is terribly unhygenic.

"You," says Gojyo, pointing at Jeep with a stabbing finger. "Vehicle. Now!"

Jeep makes a screechy noise of protest, but he flaps his wings nevertheless and hops over to a bare patch of ground. When he _poofs_ into car-mode the engine is revving and the lights are blinking unsteadily.

"Up," Gojyo says, tugging at the front of Hakkai's shirt. "Drive!"

Hakkai gets up, manages to stumble over to the Jeep on wobbly legs. He slides into the driver's seat and then stares at the wheel like he doesn't know what it's for.

Gojyo cuffs him, sharply. "You know what to do. You're fucking Cho Hakkai!"

This only starts Hakkai giggling again, high-pitched like a little girl, but then his foot comes down like lead on the accelerator and they're leaving the goddamn house from Hell behind.

 

***

 

"--and then we got the hell out of there," Gojyo says, finishing his tale with a flourish.

They're back at the inn, wrapped in towels upon towels and shivering like a couple of half-drowned kittens. Hakkai imagines he can still feel mud in his hair, even though he'd stood in the too-hot shower for the better part of an hour as soon as they'd slogged their way in.

Goku is giving them a wide-eyed look, but Sanzo's face is skeptical. "Right," he says, eyebrows somewhere up around his hairline. "Tell me the part again, where you fought off a legion of the undead? Because I think you left out the part where you ran screaming from shadows like a couple of little girls."

Hakkai flinches, but Gojyo just goes red in the face and rises to his feet, leaning across the table to poke Sanzo in the chest. "Shut up! You weren't there, you didn't see--"

"Your towel is slipping," Hakkai says, quietly.

Gojyo's mouth snaps shut. He sits back down and rearranges the towel around his waist, carefully.

"Hn." Sanzo crosses his arms over his chest. He looks smug. "Whatever. You couldn't own up to your bet, and now here you are, trembling like a scared rabbit. At least be man enough to admit it."

"Asshole! I'll--"

Hakkai puts his hand on Gojyo's arm, fingers tight as steel. "He's right, Gojyo. We did run away."

Gojyo looks vaguely betrayed. "Yeah, but..."

Hakkai plasters on a weak smile. "It's fine, Gojyo."

"But--"

"Besides," Hakkai goes on, and now his smile is creeping wider, turning evil by cool degrees, "I'm sure Sanzo wouldn't want to admit that he couldn't even set foot in the house that frightened _us_ so badly."

Across the table, Sanzo's expression has drained into faint alarm. He scowls. "What idiocy are you spouting?"

"Nothing, Sanzo. You needn't worry about it." Hakkai waves a hand in an airy gesture. "It's just that..."

Sanzo sets his jaw pugnaciously. "Spit it out, if you dare."

At that Gojyo's grin splits wide, and it's almost as evil as Hakkai's. "It's funny you should say 'dare', _Master_ Sanzo. Say, you wanna make a little bet?" His fingertips draw little circles on the tabletop. "That is, if you're not too _scared_...."

***

"I feel a little guilty about this," Hakkai murmurs the next evening, as they sit idling in the Jeep.

"Really? How guilty?" Gojyo leans back in the passenger seat, his cigarette a brief orange flare in the dying light.

Hakkai puts his chin in one hand, making a great show of considering it. "About this much," he says finally, his thumb and forefinger held about a millimeter apart.

They both watch as Sanzo and Goku step cautiously onto the house's front porch. The windows glare down at them balefully, like the empty sockets of a corpse.

"So," Gojyo mumbles, about a minute after the pair finally go in. "How long d'you give them?"

Hakkai purses his lips. "Two hours. Maybe less."

"We gonna march in and save their asses?"

Hakkai smiles, sweet and gentle and a little evil. "I'm sure Sanzo and Goku can take care of themselves."

Beneath them, Jeep engine-purrs in vindictive agreement.

***

An hour and ten minutes later, the screaming starts.

"Still feel guilty?" Gojyo asks as Sanzo and Goku burst out of the house, running full-tilt like all the minions of Hell are on their heels. Goku is pulling Sanzo along, and Sanzo is shooting wildly back at the front door, barely even pretending to aim.

"Not even a little," Hakkai says. His voice is low and satisfied.


End file.
